Communication Cut

We live in a day in age where picking up the phone, or opening your lap top to communicate with someone is not uncommon at ALL. I probably send at least 50 text messages a day, make at least 10 phone calls as day, and use my computer to keep up with a friend or family member at least 5 times a day. Most people have communication devices attached to their hip 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. What I am trying to get to... is that my best friend who is currently a four hour drive away from me, is only a few seconds away from responding to my test message, a few minutes away from messaging me back on-line, and a few rings away from answering my phone call, will soon be in a complete other state, with no way to communicate other than letters.

Letters? Is it sad to think that NO ONE sends letters as a way to communicate anymore? Its just so much faster and convenient to use your phone or computer. Not to mention by the time the other person actually receives your letter, its three days later, and the information or news you wrote in the letter has probably changed.

I drove the four hours and surprised her this past weekend. It was seriously the most spontaneous event I have ever experienced in my life. I decided 15 hours before I left on my mini road trip that I was going to go, and I was also only going for 27 hours. It made the time I spent with her mean so much more because, in about 48 hours I will not get to actually speak with her for an entire month. Keep in mind that this is the one person who knows every nook and cranny of me. Who I call for everything. The one person who ALWAYS knows the right advice. The one person who if she was a boy would probably be my boyfriend (inside joke) :) Its seriously weighing very heavy on my heart. Who do I turn to for 31 days? Who will be able to give me the perfect advice?

Despite me being selfish, and only thinking of how I feel, Im so excited for her. She is going to be a camp counselor at a camp that has special ties with her family. Im so excited to hear about all the people she meets, and all the lives she gets to touch. Im excited (that when we get to actually get to talk on the phone) to tell her about my new house, and how the whole rush process for OUR sorority is. Im excited to tell her how big my little baby is getting. Im excited to catch her up on all the episodes of the shows we watch that she missed. And Im also excited to discuss when the next time we get to see each other, hug each other, and just flat out be with each other.

So to you Shelby Dae... if you actually read this before you have no internet-

I love you so very much. Im so excited for you, and to get to hear all about your experience. I know your not half as sad as me, but to make your best friend happy make sure you respond to her letters every night. Meet amazing people. Touch their lives like you have touched mine (but dont let them out rank me on your friend list). Keep you cabin in line, hopefully there will be a little girl in your group who will be just like us, who you can talk to for hours on end about baby dolls, and being a mom.
I miss you already sweet girl. Dont go a day without looking in your mailbox, because I promise their will always be a letter!

Update on my life:

Well its been a awhile since I logged on here, and I kind of dont know where to start.

This weekend is the Fourth of July and I couldnt be more excited. Well I guess after I get over the hump of three LONG work days ahead of me im "fourth free".  Jordan is coming to spend time with me and my family this weekend and I couldnt be more happy. I think I officially found the right guy, that always does the right thing. For example, last week he knew I was having a horrible day at work and then when I got home flowers were delivered. When we were talking about Fourth of July plans, I didnt even have to ask him to drive six hours down here to spend the weekend with me. Its the simple things that mean the most, and so far he has me seated on cloud nine.

This past weekend I got to spend a few hours with my three "other" sisters, that happen to have the last name Young and not Siler.
                Let me just spend a few seconds on enforcing how awesome their family is. I have not even                         known the five of them for a full year yet, but man, they sure have taken me in like one of their own. Every time I am around them its like I have known and been apart of their family forever. I love that and the five of them :)

Even though I only got to see my best friend for a few hours it was fun. They can always get a good laugh out of me!

Being at home for these past few two months, is pretty close to hell on earth. If these last two months havent made me see that I NEVER want to "long term" live at home again I dont know what will. My biggest issue with living back at home has been the simple fact that my parents dont understand that I have been living on my own for 10 months and am still alive, and I actually came out of those 10 months a better person than the 18 years of living in that home has ever made me. Im officially pretty much grown up, when will that get through their heads?

My baby is growing so fast :(. He was 5 pounds when I got him at 10 weeks old and now at 16 weeks old he is 12 pounds. He can sit and lay, and he even rings a bell that hangs from the door when he has to go potty. He is such a smart boy.

Ive had this new really weird interest in reading, but more specifically reading books about Heaven. I am currently reading a book called "Heaven Is For Real" and its seriously the best book ever. Everyone needs to read it.

Last week I drove to Lubbock with two of my best friends, and it was seriously the highlight of my summer. Two days were we had nothing planned, but just the simple fact of being in the windy city put a smile on my face. Man, I miss that place.

My life has been pretty boring.
37 more days till I move back to Lubbock.

Lauren S.

WHY?

Why, why do I care so much? Why do I love you so much? Why is it that im willing to do anything for this friendship, but never a previous one? Why am I willing to drive to say sorry in person? Why is my stomach in knots every day that we dont talk? Why is it that no one else can make me laugh as hard? Why is it that I just cant find a best friend in my town? Why ? Why? Why?

I told you once and ill tell you again. Ill do what I have to to make things right. Your that worth it to me.

Im normaly one of those girls who doesnt care what others think of them. I am my own person and the poeple that love me, love me, and the people who dont, dont. But you make me feel completely different about how I have always felt. I care what you think, I care that your in my life.

What, what do I need to do. Im not a mind reader, no one is. Please tell me what I need to do! If you were here and in person, I could probably figure something out, but your four hours away.

For one of the very few times in my life... I dont know what to do.

To You:

You:

This letter is being written to someone who I know will read this. Someone who will know that this is written for them. And someone who is probably expecting a post, maybe not in this format or this way, but you know who you are.

I love you. I love the way you make me laugh. I love the way you piss me off. I love how we have the same "wants" out of life. I love that you are the one person I know truly loves me the way I love you. I love how we can just look at each other and know exacly what the other is saying, with out saying the words. I love how we have common passions like babies, and the desire to get married. I love how we expect more of eachother. I love how we disagree. I love how you will hold my hand. I love the sound of your voice. I love your small town. I love your family. I love the smell of your car. I love the way you curl my hair. I love the way you challenge me. I love how you push my buttons. I love how simple you like things. I love your Cole Haans. I love that you drove four hours to spend time with me. I love how we can pick up right where we left off. I love that we are both annoyed by "call" noises. I love that we both over use spices. I love how we have two different approches to boys. I love the way you tell stories. But most importantly I love who you are, and I love to call YOU my best friend.

Im sorry. Im sorry that sometimes Im too stubborn. Im sorry that I piss you off. Im sorry that sometimes I make you feel bad. Im sorry I yelled. Im sorry that I used hurtful words. Im sorry that sometimes Im in the worst mood ever. Im sorry that I get an idea in my head and dont want to take your opinion. Im sorry that Im so emotional. Im sorry I get mad at stupid things. Im sorry I sweat the small stuff. Im sorry I get my feelings hurt way to easy. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry.

Please dont think Im writting this, and expecting you to just blow it all off. I know I was wrong. I know that I was out of line. The words I wanted to say before you left, but didnt, was that one of my biggest regerts was leaving that last night in chitwood. That last night I could have spent with you. The night that I could have spent with my best friend. And you wanting to leave, made the feelings of regret wash over me. However, I doubt you regret your choice, I know how mad I was at myself for not spending that one last night with the person I care most about. It was kind of like a redo. I was anticipating one last night, just like you were a few week previous.

I was wrong, and I am deeply sorry. I want my best friend back, I have too much to tell but no one who would understand, but you.

Please accept my appoligie, please know that I love you, and please know that I have a lot to tell you, and please know that I WANT TO HEAR AUNT DONNA STORIES.

I love you with all my heart,
Forever your best friend.

SO EXCITED

Tomorrow is my 19th birthday... birthdays are normally a pretty big deal to me! I am one of those people who tries to make everyone else birthday special so they do the same for me... I normally plan a whole day around what I want to do, but this year is just different. My best friend lives 4 hours away and wont be able to get to dallas until sunday, I have a doctors appointment, and I agreed to babysit. So needless to say this wont be my typical birthday.

This year my parents got me a PUPPY for my birthday. He is worlds cutest cocker spaniel puppy, he is now 11 weeks old and a complete mommas boy. I will say he has cured my baby fix for now. Waking up twice in the middle of the night to take him potty is slightly different than waking up in the middle of the night to feed, but more or less its like having a baby and im completely in LOVE. I think Bear and I were made for each other... he lefts me hold him on his back like a baby, he likes to be rocked, he is now my pride and joy.

But like I said above, MY BEST FRIEND COMES ON SUNDAY. One of our other friends organized for a bunch of us to go to the Rangers game next tuesday, and so it gave her two reasons to come in town. My birthday, and the rangers game. So because she wont be able to make it here until sunday, and I have packed my day tomorrow with events that are not at all to celebrate my birthday, we are going to pretend like May 19th is this sunday. But what I am most excited to do is just sit and laugh with her. We are BOTH tight on money right now (me especially because I now have vet bills to pay) so instead of shopping, and eating around town for every meal, we will sit around and enjoy each other company... which is in my mind the PERFECT birthday present.

Starting monday I am housesitting for family friends, they have a HUGE house that happens to be pictured in a book called "The French Inspired Home" because it is SO BEAUTIFUL. They are really chill people, that literally hand their keys, dogs, and house, and pool over to me for 10 days. Needless to say it will be a FUN 10 days (if it is anything like last summer).

The guy I blogged about in my last post lives in Kingwood, which is 6 hours away from Dallas... however he is going to make the trek up here to meet my family and spend sometime with me before his summer school starts up and my job starts in June.

While tomorrow (my actual birthday) might not be the best day ever, this next week sure will be exciting and fun. I mean 19 is just another year, that has nothing special attached to it...

So for now im soaking up the excitement of these next few days,

Lauren S.

when you just have THAT feeling

Two Thursday's (4/21/11) ago I met this guy. He asked me to be his date to the Sigma Nu formal, took me out to dinner, and swept me off my feet. He left his phone in his super hot truck during dinner, he payed, he opened the door, our conversation was never forced, he wanted to know stuff about my family, he is one of those rare guys. Ya know, the kind you only see in the movies, and dream about. Its an indescribable feeling. Its how you see it in fictional relationships, they see each other, and instantly have a connection that only people who experience the feeling understand. It the best feeling but the worst all that the same time. Its the kinda feeling that you cant even describe to your best friend (and its a rear occasion, we can normally understand each other pretty well).

Could the palm reader be right?

She told me the next guy that I like will be worth it, she told me that he will be the guy I fall in love with, she told me he will be successful and set for life. The creepy thing is, he is already successful, and I think this is the guy thats worth it. When I met that stupid palm reader I blew everything that she said off... but now Im starting to think that was the best 5 bucks I have ever spent.

Loving life,
Lauren S.

When things come to an end it sucks.

Within these next few weeks a lot will change. I will have completed my freshmen year of college. I will have successfully lived on my own for 10 months. The next time I come back to this place I will live in a house with three other girls. Friends that live far away will not be seen for two and a half months. And my best friend wont be back with me here at the end of summer.

Stuff is sad. Its a time in my life I will never get back. Dorm life, cafeteria food, no kitchen, trying to cook in a microwave and (illegal) toaster oven, and community bathrooms. As those might sound like stupid things to miss, they mean the world to me. They connect me to the person I truly believe was put on this earth for me to be best friends with. I have never had a friend who commonly cares so passionately about how we see our future. I have never laughed so hard with one friend. I have never been so satisfied in a friendship. And I can say I have truly have felt the kinda love you only have for a special friend.

Everyone is different, and college has really opened my eyes to that. I come from a place where a lot is the same, most people want the same things, most people drive the same types of cars, and most traditions are similar. But I have learned that McKinney is a bubble. A bubble that has everything and anything inside of it and you rarely venture out. Their is no need to leave the bubble. However, thats not where everyone is from, and that not how all towns are. I have a great passion for God, and I truly with my whole heart believe in a higher power. Most people in my town feel the same way. We worship the same way, we love the same amount, and we have learned about the bible the same way... and together. But where my best friend is from, everything means a little bit more, and love is a little bit stronger. She is from a SMALL town in the Heart of Texas, and I have never met a family/ town of people who love God more.

My best friend believes that transferring to a much smaller university that is christian based is more suited for her, and that she belongs there. I have NO doubt in my mind she is wrong, but its hard to be happy for someone when you know what is best for you is for that person to be close. She constantly says that her going elsewhere is what is best for her. Well... what is best for me is having my best friend to eat lunch with every day, to talk to about the new pledges that get on our nerves, and to find our husbands with. How, how do you force yourself to be happy for someone who is only looking out for there best interest? and then when I look out for mine, the two idea seem to collide. Why cant life just be fair and equal?

Everything happens for a reason, and I do believe that to be true. But why does it seem that only bad things happen for a reason. Im starting to feel like good things never happen to me. Why cant things go the way I want them just once. Maybe its God's way of punishing me for planning, but I just dont understand people who dont plan. I can NOT for the life of me just let things naturally happen. If their is a way for me to manipulate the situation I will. But this time, its all nipping me in the butt.

She is the kind of best friend you can talk to anything about, but I cant bring myself to talk to her about all this. I dont want her to feel like I wont be happy for her and that I dont want what is best for her. Its just hard. Very, very hard. It kinda like the saying you dont let the people you love walk out, but there is no stopping her.

For now, I trying to be happy. Im trying to see the bright side. Im trying to make the best of the worst. I will miss her and the experiences this year has brought me. But maybe, and hopefully God has better plans in store for me. Things I have imagined experiencing with my best friend probably wont happen the way of the vision. For example, I want her to be around when I lay eyes on the man Im going to marry, I want to experience the other side of being in a sorority with her, I want to be with her when she turns 21 and her with me, I want her to be around next year when my puppy chews everything and Im about to have a nervous breakdown. And its not like we wont "experience" those things together, it will just be different. And from two very different locations on the map.

Weather she believes it or not/ sees it or not/ is intending to or not, our ways of grieving about this whole situation is different. Our mutual friend said to me "when I was leaving for college, all me and my friends were sad TOGETHER" and that is how I felt and want to feel with her now. However, (im sure she would deny this but its true) her way of grieving about all this is pushing me away. She has maybe spent a fourth of the time we would normally spend together, with me. She has seemed to forget, or make other plans during the shows we watch together every week. Not just once, but twice this week. She has occupied her limited time here, playing her favorite game. All while Im alone, and would love to be spending time with her. Its all becoming real. That if this past 10 months has gone by so quick so will these next three weeks.

I love you, and wish that things could just be normal while our "normal" last. We have three weeks to live together, to share the same bathroom, to be surrounded by 56 girls together. Take advantage of it.

Trying to soak up the way of life, doesnt seem so easy anymore,
Lauren S