WHY?

Why, why do I care so much? Why do I love you so much? Why is it that im willing to do anything for this friendship, but never a previous one? Why am I willing to drive to say sorry in person? Why is my stomach in knots every day that we dont talk? Why is it that no one else can make me laugh as hard? Why is it that I just cant find a best friend in my town? Why ? Why? Why?

I told you once and ill tell you again. Ill do what I have to to make things right. Your that worth it to me.

Im normaly one of those girls who doesnt care what others think of them. I am my own person and the poeple that love me, love me, and the people who dont, dont. But you make me feel completely different about how I have always felt. I care what you think, I care that your in my life.

What, what do I need to do. Im not a mind reader, no one is. Please tell me what I need to do! If you were here and in person, I could probably figure something out, but your four hours away.

For one of the very few times in my life... I dont know what to do.

To You:

You:

This letter is being written to someone who I know will read this. Someone who will know that this is written for them. And someone who is probably expecting a post, maybe not in this format or this way, but you know who you are.

I love you. I love the way you make me laugh. I love the way you piss me off. I love how we have the same "wants" out of life. I love that you are the one person I know truly loves me the way I love you. I love how we can just look at each other and know exacly what the other is saying, with out saying the words. I love how we have common passions like babies, and the desire to get married. I love how we expect more of eachother. I love how we disagree. I love how you will hold my hand. I love the sound of your voice. I love your small town. I love your family. I love the smell of your car. I love the way you curl my hair. I love the way you challenge me. I love how you push my buttons. I love how simple you like things. I love your Cole Haans. I love that you drove four hours to spend time with me. I love how we can pick up right where we left off. I love that we are both annoyed by "call" noises. I love that we both over use spices. I love how we have two different approches to boys. I love the way you tell stories. But most importantly I love who you are, and I love to call YOU my best friend.

Im sorry. Im sorry that sometimes Im too stubborn. Im sorry that I piss you off. Im sorry that sometimes I make you feel bad. Im sorry I yelled. Im sorry that I used hurtful words. Im sorry that sometimes Im in the worst mood ever. Im sorry that I get an idea in my head and dont want to take your opinion. Im sorry that Im so emotional. Im sorry I get mad at stupid things. Im sorry I sweat the small stuff. Im sorry I get my feelings hurt way to easy. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry.

Please dont think Im writting this, and expecting you to just blow it all off. I know I was wrong. I know that I was out of line. The words I wanted to say before you left, but didnt, was that one of my biggest regerts was leaving that last night in chitwood. That last night I could have spent with you. The night that I could have spent with my best friend. And you wanting to leave, made the feelings of regret wash over me. However, I doubt you regret your choice, I know how mad I was at myself for not spending that one last night with the person I care most about. It was kind of like a redo. I was anticipating one last night, just like you were a few week previous.

I was wrong, and I am deeply sorry. I want my best friend back, I have too much to tell but no one who would understand, but you.

Please accept my appoligie, please know that I love you, and please know that I have a lot to tell you, and please know that I WANT TO HEAR AUNT DONNA STORIES.

I love you with all my heart,
Forever your best friend.

SO EXCITED

Tomorrow is my 19th birthday... birthdays are normally a pretty big deal to me! I am one of those people who tries to make everyone else birthday special so they do the same for me... I normally plan a whole day around what I want to do, but this year is just different. My best friend lives 4 hours away and wont be able to get to dallas until sunday, I have a doctors appointment, and I agreed to babysit. So needless to say this wont be my typical birthday.

This year my parents got me a PUPPY for my birthday. He is worlds cutest cocker spaniel puppy, he is now 11 weeks old and a complete mommas boy. I will say he has cured my baby fix for now. Waking up twice in the middle of the night to take him potty is slightly different than waking up in the middle of the night to feed, but more or less its like having a baby and im completely in LOVE. I think Bear and I were made for each other... he lefts me hold him on his back like a baby, he likes to be rocked, he is now my pride and joy.

But like I said above, MY BEST FRIEND COMES ON SUNDAY. One of our other friends organized for a bunch of us to go to the Rangers game next tuesday, and so it gave her two reasons to come in town. My birthday, and the rangers game. So because she wont be able to make it here until sunday, and I have packed my day tomorrow with events that are not at all to celebrate my birthday, we are going to pretend like May 19th is this sunday. But what I am most excited to do is just sit and laugh with her. We are BOTH tight on money right now (me especially because I now have vet bills to pay) so instead of shopping, and eating around town for every meal, we will sit around and enjoy each other company... which is in my mind the PERFECT birthday present.

Starting monday I am housesitting for family friends, they have a HUGE house that happens to be pictured in a book called "The French Inspired Home" because it is SO BEAUTIFUL. They are really chill people, that literally hand their keys, dogs, and house, and pool over to me for 10 days. Needless to say it will be a FUN 10 days (if it is anything like last summer).

The guy I blogged about in my last post lives in Kingwood, which is 6 hours away from Dallas... however he is going to make the trek up here to meet my family and spend sometime with me before his summer school starts up and my job starts in June.

While tomorrow (my actual birthday) might not be the best day ever, this next week sure will be exciting and fun. I mean 19 is just another year, that has nothing special attached to it...

So for now im soaking up the excitement of these next few days,

Lauren S.

when you just have THAT feeling

Two Thursday's (4/21/11) ago I met this guy. He asked me to be his date to the Sigma Nu formal, took me out to dinner, and swept me off my feet. He left his phone in his super hot truck during dinner, he payed, he opened the door, our conversation was never forced, he wanted to know stuff about my family, he is one of those rare guys. Ya know, the kind you only see in the movies, and dream about. Its an indescribable feeling. Its how you see it in fictional relationships, they see each other, and instantly have a connection that only people who experience the feeling understand. It the best feeling but the worst all that the same time. Its the kinda feeling that you cant even describe to your best friend (and its a rear occasion, we can normally understand each other pretty well).

Could the palm reader be right?

She told me the next guy that I like will be worth it, she told me that he will be the guy I fall in love with, she told me he will be successful and set for life. The creepy thing is, he is already successful, and I think this is the guy thats worth it. When I met that stupid palm reader I blew everything that she said off... but now Im starting to think that was the best 5 bucks I have ever spent.

Loving life,
Lauren S.