Happy or Unhappy...?

I am commonly accused of being unhappy and always having a problem with something, by my best friend. Which I can partly see why she believes that, however am I suppose to do things I dont want to do?

Often times I find myself agreeing to going out, or being with our friends and then at the last second I decide its probably not the smartest idea for me. Then I become in a bind, do I go and spend my time and money on the exact opposite of things I need to be? Or do I do what I know is right for myself and stay in to avoid spending money?

I hate that I have an opinion on most situations, it typically gets me in trouble with a friend or two, or even my parents. However, I am just someone that is not going to do something I dont want to do because its what everyone else is  doing. For example, tonight my best friend and I got invited to go eat dinner with two of our friends. Later in the evening, I found out the place we would be going to eat, (being a college kid means your automatically tight on spending) and it was a place I have been several times and CAN NOT find anything I enjoy on the menu. So all in all, I decided that going and spending money on something that I did not deem worthy put me in a situation of having an opinion and getting people up set with me. After I said that I did not want to go anymore, because of the location, they then offered for me to pick the restaurant.  I hate that! I hate that I was the person who couldnt just go with the flow and I changed the plans, but Im not about to just spit out money that I dont have. Despite their offer of me picking the restaurant, I still number one, found it not necessary  to spend money on going out to eat, and number two, because I hate that I caused a problem, I want them to go where they wanted to go.

I hate that others look at me as unhappy because I always have an opinion and dont just go with the flow, but I believe that everyone should do what is going to better their lives and friends, will follow. Friends can come and go, but the decisions you make for yourself will last forever. I am truly sorry to any and everyone that I have ever made feel bad because of my choices. Just know that Im making decisions that you might think of my unhappy for, but I am making that choice to make me happy.


ON A DIFFERENT NOTE- (reference the last post first)

This weekend was amazing, I got to spend time with him. I met his friends, he met mine. I took him on the biggest thrill of his life.... sneaking out of the hotel past what time he was allowed to leave  and brought him to the dorms.  Took him to a bar, took him to see my favorite band play (Eli Young Band), taught him how to two- step. It was perfect! It all went as planned. But for now, he still remains my secret lover.

Just soaking up the way of life,
Lauren S

Today is THE Day

Every girl has that one person that you want to fall in love with so badly, the guy that is your knight in shining armor, but you could never. You could never publicly fall in love with this guy. Well... the person I have truly known from birth is my guy. The guy I would do anything to marry. The guy that knows everything about my inside and out, and the guy I know every nook and cranny of. The guy that in my eyes would be the perfect husband and father. The guy that could provide everything for me, and even if he couldn't I would still be madly in love. The one guy that I can sit down and talk to him and not have to worry about impressing him or saying the right words.  

How could I ever bring my self to terms with talking to him about my secret feeling? Would it ruin our friendship? Would he suddenly judge me about everything I have previously told him about myself, now that he knows I love him? Would things he once comforted me on suddenly not be acceptable and ok? This is the ONE thing that no one knows about me. Not one single soul seriously knows how much I love this guy. We say I love you to each other every night after we talk... but I really mean it. 

So what now? What am I suppose to do? Do I talk to him about it? Or do I just go on knowing that their is someone else out there for me, but I just might not love them as much? 

He is visiting me this weekend and his flight gets in today. I can not express in words or even actions about how excited I am about seeing him. I want him to meet all my friends, I want him to see where I live, I want him to be happy to see me. Today is the day, maybe not the day to bring up to him how much I really do love him, but to see him and be in his arms for the first time in a LONG time. 

For now he is my "secret" guy. My mystery lover. And the man I will forever see at the end of the isle. 

But for today, and probably every other day of my life he will be that man I wish I could love.

Im just soaking up the way of Life

Lauren S

Simply NOTHING

Nothing is defined as the absence of anything at all, and thats exactly what I have been doing this weekend. Nothing. My best friend returned home, my roommate returned home, the people on my floor... all gone. Sometimes I wish to be completely alone for the peace, and simple act of having to do nothing. However being alone, sucks. Its scary and lonely, and it has shown me (as if I didn't feel this way already) that I do not want to be alone for the rest of my life.


Marriage is something that most people want out of life, but I can promise you I want it more. I want someone to protect me at night, I want someone to say I love you too, I want someone to love me, I want someone who shares passions with me, I want someone to pay the bills, I want someone to say "have a good day honey" to as I send him off to work, I want to cook for someone, I want to clean for someone, I want someone to have kids with, I want someone to raise my kids with, I want someone to have a 50 year anniversary with, I want someone to grow old with. I want to get married.


Being lonely is not an option for me. I will not settle for a good apartment, great paying job, and a cute dog. I know I am only 18, but when am I going to meet the man Im going to be with forever? Most people say Im too young, but I think Im running out of time. I dont see myself as the one who gets married late in life. I want to be young and fun and in love. Am I suppose to keep going to parties? How do I meet him? Where will he show up in my life? When will he come in the picture? If I just could know the answers to these questions, I think I could really fall asleep at night. I could shut my eyes and know 100 precent that one day Ill open them and really fall in love. But I am not guaranteed anything, I not told that their is FOR SURE someone out their for me.


Tonight as I sit alone in my room, I know that this is not suppose to be how it is forever. I feel it in my veins. Being alone, is not for me.


But for now, life is good and I am just soaking it up


Lauren S

Surprise!!!

In my last entry I explained how stressed I was about my two test I had the next day. Well... not only did I write that, but I also called my mom crying about it. Being the oldest of four and being the first to leave home has been tough on my mom. She is suddenly not their to pick up the slack, or help with homework and that KILLS her. So.... about 11:30 Monday night I received a phone call from my mom and SURPRISE SURPRISE, MY MOM WAS IN LUBBOCK. She read me my book in the nice big hotel bed until we both couldn't keep our eyes open any longer, she blow dried my hair the next morning as I finished the reading. It was just perfect, I loved that my mom came to help me, and everything worked out great with my test!


However, on wednesday afternoon when she left my friend and I decided we were going to go to United (the grocery store) and get popsicles. Needless to say, it was 86 degrees in February and we were not going to pass up the opportunity to eat popsicles while we soaked up some vitamin D. About five minutes after leaving the grocery store I realized I didn't have my cell phone. So we immediately drove back, I thought I left it under the little machine where you swipe your credit card... but it was gone and the customer service counter had not had anyone turn it in. After going all day thinking that the customer behind me must have stolen it, and making the nice manager (Kyle Elliot) watch every second of the surveillance camera footage while I was in the store. I simply remember that I had left it in my moms car, who at this point was now back in Dallas.


So yes, I have been with out a cell phone for about 48 hours now, and as miserable as it has been I really didn't mind. I have had several people say "why dont you go get a go phone until you get yours mailed" and my response has been "their is just no need". Despite the fact that not having a phone ruined my routine, (for example: I was unable to do facebook creeping during anatomy class or get test messages from my friends about funny things that were happening to them in class) It was peaceful. I knew what I had to get done and I got it done a lot quicker than I would have with my phone. All in all, I am READY to have my phone back tomorrow, but it was a nice little reality check. People did live with out cell phones for yearssss, ya it sucked but it brought me back down to earth. I have been on cloud nine these past few days, and I give partial credit to not having my cell phone glued to my side.


A few years ago, I was in a serious relationship for a longgg time. I can truly say I fell in Love for the first time. He was my everything. I never missed one of his baseball games, I never passed up the opportunity to sign BOTH of our names at the bottom of a card for whatever the occasion was, and I truly saw his face at the end of the isle when I pictured my wedding. However, this spiraled down hill, and we are obviously not together anymore (or the previous entrees would have been about how in love I was). Needless to say, today while driving home from my weekly Zumba class (the BEST WORKOUT EVER) I reached my hand into my CD collection and when my hand came out, in it was the last CD he had made while we were together. Listening to the CD didn't make me sad or miss him. It made me realize how I truly believe Im ready to put my self back in the game. So bring it on fellas, this weekend Im GOING CRAZYYY.


Life is lookin' good, and Im just soaking it up!


Lauren S

Sometimes you just cant get things right

You know how sometimes no matter how hard you try you just cant make things right? Well that is exactly how I have been feeling. Despite all good things that happen, nothing makes things better. 

I have recently studied for my anatomy lab test and only got 45 min of sleep, I walked in confident and walked out crying. I have recently lost 14 pounds but when I put on jeans I cry; shouldn't I be happy that I lost weight? I am currently studying for my anatomy lecture test and reading the novel "Truth and Bright Water" for two test tomorrow, but no matter how much information on the two subjects I can cram into my brain, I know I wont have a good feeling walking out. What do I do? How can I help myself? 

I drive, I drive when I get sad. for some reason their is something about wondering out to places I have never seen and wasting gas that makes me feel better. You would think that wasting money and looking at fields (because I am out here in Lubbock) would be weird; but their is something about the cotton. I dont know if its the smell in the air out there or if it the fact of the matter that I live with 56 girls and sometimes being alone seems perfect, but it just is. I wish I could take people out to my places, but then what fun would it be for me anymore. It would no longer be my place to run and hide, that no one would find me. It would then become that place that WE went to. Is that selfish of me? 

Happiness seems to be something most people take for granted. I personally never soak up the fact that I am happy when I am, and to be honest I dont even think I realize when I am happy. It takes me to be sitting in the dirt to realize I was happy when I did this, or when I was friends with this person. Happiness is something that I need to start realizing when I am, so that when I start to become unhappy, I know what to do to fix it. Happiness and sadness run parallel to each other.  When one takes a rest, the other one tends to take up the slack. 

In my previous entry I said that I couldn't wait to get out of where I grew up. I wanted to run the road that Lubbock put out for me. And that is still very true, however leaving home has made me realize how much I really do LOVE that place. Now that I am gone, I want to drive those same streets, and eat at the same old places.

When you go college you tend to tell everyone you meet about the people back home, and sometimes people talk about their best friend when they lived in this city and then the one that moved away. But for me... I have known the same group of friends since I was three. 

Dylan: Dylan is that one girl I know will forever take my side. The one that completely pick me up when I am all the way down. She is the girl that when I talk about home I miss the most. And the one person who can say something to me and I completely trust it. 

Erikka: Erikka is the person I have called my best friend for the past few years. We were engaged in the same activities, we both had serious boyfriends together, and knew just the right time to take the other person out for froyo and shopping. 

Kasey: Kasey has the hugest heart, you never have to wonder is she is thinking of others before herself (because she always is) and always strives for her best. Most people in my town have grown up jealous of her, however she is so humble about it all. 

Catherine: Cathy can always give me a good laugh. We have similar personalities in the sense that we dont let others tell us wrong. That most of the time we do know best, and our friend should just listen to us more often. :)

Megan Y: Even though I am not as close to Megan as I used to be, I know if I need her to keep a secret she would. We have so many memories from when we were little, she will forever be a good friend. 

Val: Valerie was my first BEST FRIEND. We fell in love with each other when I showed her my barbie cup and she showed me her chalk. Valerie is another person who would do anything for me in a heart beat. 

It took me to leave and be 6 hours away from home to realize all of this about these people. The place that I hated while I was their, is where I have all my memories. Its the place that connects me with my past, and that will forever make me feel young. 

So for those of you reading this (if their is anyone) Never take HOME for granted. Home is the place that you will think about everyday. Its the only place that will make you 100% happy, that you can go and not think about the way you look, or how you feel. Home is just Perfect. 

Lubbock has opened so many doors, it has made me grow up and learn to fend for myself. It has thrown me into a pit of people I have had to learn to be friends with. It has made me learn that I am the only person who can make me happy.

So for now thats what Im focusing on. How can I make myself happy?

Life is good, and Im just soaking it up

Lauren S. 

Everything has a Starting Point

I am currently a city girl trying to live in a smaller town. My current location is Lubbock and so far so GREAT. I actually have been dreaming about going to school at Texas Tech ever since I could say "get your guns up" and this opportunity is giving me experiences I will NEVER forget. I was the girl through out high school who couldn't wait to graduate and get out, probably because I had lived in the same exact place for 15 years of my life. The same streets, the same eating places, the same friends, and the same old things to do... got boring. So needless to say, Tech gave me a road to run on, to pack up and get out, and thats exactly what I did. This August I filled my car with most of my belongings and moved into what is now is possibly one of the crappiest/ best places EVER the 3 chit. My roommate is a sweet girl that I know from home. The funny part about that is she actually lives directly across from me back where we are from. But let me backtrack a tad... in June I flew up to Lubbock with my mom for orientation. Where I met two girls who will hands down be bridesmaids in my wedding. Because we are on somewhat of the same career path we have classes together, and they make class so much more enjoyable to be in. The second day I "lived" in Lubbock (sorority) rush started, where I also met some people that will be lifelong friends. The girl that stood in front of me everyday as we lined up outside, at the house we are now sisters in, was my first real friend up here. Living in the dorms put me in a situation where I am living with 56 girls that has made this place extremely enjoyable. We all love each other, would do anything for each other, and will prank each other often. I can not even begin to explain how much fun this last semester and a half has been living with all these girls, this will be a story for later! After rush and during "New member meetings" I met this super annoying girl I now consider my best friend. Once we started to get to know each other, we realized we have a ton of the same values and wants out of life. We both are "really" in college to find a man to marry, and have babies.... LOTS OF BABIES, a degree will be a nice thing to have however, we see ourselves as moms so much more than in a cubicle. We are the kind of girls that have everything planned out, the wedding dress, location, rings, cake, honeymoon, and where we will live following the wedding, our kids names and what sports they will play, we have it all planned out.... and the only thing we are missing is the man that puts that ring on the finger.

First semester was rough, in the sense that I took CHEMISTRY. I waltzed into classes and thought it would be a cake walk, and that nipped me in the butt bad. However, like I always say... you make the best of it, and pull your life up by the boot straps even if the boot doesn't fit. Needless to say, second semester will be life changing for me. Not only to make my parents happy but to show myself that even though I want to change diapers, drop off kids in the carpool line, and braid pigtails for the rest of my life, I do have a pretty solid brain between these shoulders and I can do whatever I put my mind too. 

Life is looking good, and I am just soaking it up-

Lauren