Simply NOTHING

Nothing is defined as the absence of anything at all, and thats exactly what I have been doing this weekend. Nothing. My best friend returned home, my roommate returned home, the people on my floor... all gone. Sometimes I wish to be completely alone for the peace, and simple act of having to do nothing. However being alone, sucks. Its scary and lonely, and it has shown me (as if I didn't feel this way already) that I do not want to be alone for the rest of my life.


Marriage is something that most people want out of life, but I can promise you I want it more. I want someone to protect me at night, I want someone to say I love you too, I want someone to love me, I want someone who shares passions with me, I want someone to pay the bills, I want someone to say "have a good day honey" to as I send him off to work, I want to cook for someone, I want to clean for someone, I want someone to have kids with, I want someone to raise my kids with, I want someone to have a 50 year anniversary with, I want someone to grow old with. I want to get married.


Being lonely is not an option for me. I will not settle for a good apartment, great paying job, and a cute dog. I know I am only 18, but when am I going to meet the man Im going to be with forever? Most people say Im too young, but I think Im running out of time. I dont see myself as the one who gets married late in life. I want to be young and fun and in love. Am I suppose to keep going to parties? How do I meet him? Where will he show up in my life? When will he come in the picture? If I just could know the answers to these questions, I think I could really fall asleep at night. I could shut my eyes and know 100 precent that one day Ill open them and really fall in love. But I am not guaranteed anything, I not told that their is FOR SURE someone out their for me.


Tonight as I sit alone in my room, I know that this is not suppose to be how it is forever. I feel it in my veins. Being alone, is not for me.


But for now, life is good and I am just soaking it up


Lauren S