I have recently studied for my anatomy lab test and only got 45 min of sleep, I walked in confident and walked out crying. I have recently lost 14 pounds but when I put on jeans I cry; shouldn't I be happy that I lost weight? I am currently studying for my anatomy lecture test and reading the novel "Truth and Bright Water" for two test tomorrow, but no matter how much information on the two subjects I can cram into my brain, I know I wont have a good feeling walking out. What do I do? How can I help myself?
I drive, I drive when I get sad. for some reason their is something about wondering out to places I have never seen and wasting gas that makes me feel better. You would think that wasting money and looking at fields (because I am out here in Lubbock) would be weird; but their is something about the cotton. I dont know if its the smell in the air out there or if it the fact of the matter that I live with 56 girls and sometimes being alone seems perfect, but it just is. I wish I could take people out to my places, but then what fun would it be for me anymore. It would no longer be my place to run and hide, that no one would find me. It would then become that place that WE went to. Is that selfish of me?
Happiness seems to be something most people take for granted. I personally never soak up the fact that I am happy when I am, and to be honest I dont even think I realize when I am happy. It takes me to be sitting in the dirt to realize I was happy when I did this, or when I was friends with this person. Happiness is something that I need to start realizing when I am, so that when I start to become unhappy, I know what to do to fix it. Happiness and sadness run parallel to each other. When one takes a rest, the other one tends to take up the slack.
In my previous entry I said that I couldn't wait to get out of where I grew up. I wanted to run the road that Lubbock put out for me. And that is still very true, however leaving home has made me realize how much I really do LOVE that place. Now that I am gone, I want to drive those same streets, and eat at the same old places.
When you go college you tend to tell everyone you meet about the people back home, and sometimes people talk about their best friend when they lived in this city and then the one that moved away. But for me... I have known the same group of friends since I was three.
Dylan: Dylan is that one girl I know will forever take my side. The one that completely pick me up when I am all the way down. She is the girl that when I talk about home I miss the most. And the one person who can say something to me and I completely trust it.
Erikka: Erikka is the person I have called my best friend for the past few years. We were engaged in the same activities, we both had serious boyfriends together, and knew just the right time to take the other person out for froyo and shopping.
Kasey: Kasey has the hugest heart, you never have to wonder is she is thinking of others before herself (because she always is) and always strives for her best. Most people in my town have grown up jealous of her, however she is so humble about it all.
Catherine: Cathy can always give me a good laugh. We have similar personalities in the sense that we dont let others tell us wrong. That most of the time we do know best, and our friend should just listen to us more often. :)
Megan Y: Even though I am not as close to Megan as I used to be, I know if I need her to keep a secret she would. We have so many memories from when we were little, she will forever be a good friend.
Val: Valerie was my first BEST FRIEND. We fell in love with each other when I showed her my barbie cup and she showed me her chalk. Valerie is another person who would do anything for me in a heart beat.
It took me to leave and be 6 hours away from home to realize all of this about these people. The place that I hated while I was their, is where I have all my memories. Its the place that connects me with my past, and that will forever make me feel young.
So for those of you reading this (if their is anyone) Never take HOME for granted. Home is the place that you will think about everyday. Its the only place that will make you 100% happy, that you can go and not think about the way you look, or how you feel. Home is just Perfect.
Lubbock has opened so many doors, it has made me grow up and learn to fend for myself. It has thrown me into a pit of people I have had to learn to be friends with. It has made me learn that I am the only person who can make me happy.
So for now thats what Im focusing on. How can I make myself happy?
Life is good, and Im just soaking it up
Lauren S.
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