Never the Same

Goodbyes and Hellos, their are never two the same, and they always leave you feeling different. Goodbyes are only easy when you strongly dislike the person, when you have no desire to see the person again. But when you say goodbye and you really dont want to... its sad. It makes you cry really really really hard.

Like I have said in a previous post, I have had one serious boyfriend in my 18 years of life. He was my world, my everything, and my groom at the end of that picture perfect wedding. In honor of me seeing him today, I decided to re hash my first love story. Justin. We met at lunch when I was a freshmen and he was a junior in high school. He drove, he was on varsity baseball, his eyes were blue, he had an amazing relationship with god, and a very very nice butt that filled out his white and blue pinstriped baseball pants very nicely. Needless to say, he was attractive fun loving, and soon to be MY boyfriend.

Our first date:
He called me one night wanting to know what I was up too, I had made plans to go watch my best friend at the time cheer. (Since we were both cheerleaders... for two different high schools it was not uncommon for us to both be cheering at the same time for two different teams, so when we had by-weeks we made it a point to go and watch each other). So yes, I did have plans that night, but they were alone. He offered to take me (since I didn't drive) and watch the game together. That particular night, my dad was out of town on a business trip. My grandfather, my second favorite man in my life, came over and not only met Justin to approve that he could take his granddaughter on a date, but he also made Justin "take him for a spin" around the block to make sure he was a good enough driver. SO embarrassing. But Justin not only did it and stuck around, but he did it with a smile on his face.

Our first kiss:
Was the same night as our first date. We were at the stop light at Lake Forest and 380. He drove a stick shift car so he smoothy grabbed my hand and placed it under his on the little stick shifter thing. Right after we shifted down for the stop light. he looked at me, told me I was beautiful, and so I looked over at him. with his non shifting hand he touched my face and kissed me. Right there at the stop light.
*** After we had been dating for a while I told him that it was such a trashy first kiss. And he said the most perfect response ever, he said he just couldn't wait until we got back to my house. It was no longer a "trashy" first kiss in my eyes.

I was in love.
I had my real true first love.

Because Justin was two years older than me... he left for college when I was junior. He got an offer to play ball in Kansas. I was heart broken and happy all at the same time. The love of my life was leaving, not just to a school in Texas but to a school 10 hours away. This was our first... but not last goodbye. He drove over to my house, and we stood outside on the porch (our way, him on a step below me so I didn't have to stand on the tips of my toes to kiss him) and I cried, SO hard he couldn't wipe my tears away quick enough. As I watched the car drive away all I could think about was how long it would be until I would see him next. Between all of his pre season baseball games and practices I truly didn't know the next time I would be in his arms. But little did I know it would only be six weeks away.

The first or second Hello:

As all the cheerleaders were standing in the gym stretching and getting ready for all the students to pile in for the pep rally I hear the captain, and my good friend Amber say Lauren, their is a surprise for you.  and in walks JUSTIN. It was like how you see it in the movies. I ran and JUMPED into his arms and he held me their kissing me. I hate surprises so it isn't quite how I imaged our first second hello, but since it happened in the form of a surprise it happened exactly how I wanted it.

After a semester of Justin being gone, and me at home... we couldn't do it. It was just way too emotional straining. I seconded guessed our relationship and it tore us apart. We have seen each other several times after the break up. We even tried to get back together at one point. But today when I saw him, it felt like a whole new hello and a goodbye that has been different than any other.

While I was on spring break this past week, a palm reader read my palm. She told me that I will get married in my late twenties to a very successful man. That I will only have two children (which Im NOT OK WITH). She told me their is a friend that is interested in me but we will just be flirty until I meet the man Im going to marry.

So no.... you are not in my plan. Or so says the the palm reader.